I have sat around for too long. I need to refocus gently and get things back on track.
I will go back on my CR regime as I felt much better on it.

I had a lovely time a couple of nights ago when i went for my first wild camp alone. I parked my Smart car at a local ymca and headed up the mourne mountains via Donard wood.

I stopped after 200 yds and took half the stuff out of my pack and dumped it back into the car.! I found walking with a 35lb pack plus a coolbag totally exhausting but found a welcome place to camp. I set up my tarp between two trees and lit a small fire. I boiled some water to purify it and had a quiet relaxing night and I slept like a log.

The forest was wonderfully serene in the morning and deathly quiet and this is an experience I tend to repeat.

In the forests there are several levels. deciduous tree levels, conifer levels,snow levels and rubbish levels. In future I will go above the rubbish level. I was dismayed to find remnants of campfire and bottles and cans, and human scat unburied, there was also a plastic cheap picnic seat which someone had carried 1000' up the mountain and had discarded.!

I managed to burn the obvious rubbish that was safe to handle and I reused the half burnt logs for my own fire.

We have tremendous problems with rights to roam in Northern Ireland and mindless vandalism and littering doesnt exactly help.

So i will go again and hope by the time next summer comes around i will be a couple of stone lighter and a lot stronger.....

Todays picture was taken on Machrie Moor isle of Arran. If you ever want to go to Scotland and visit. I thoroughly recommend Arran it is one of my favourite place

 I have always felt that there is a huge lack of learning between modern living and basic human survival / prehistoric living. I feel that by connecting with this ancient learning I will help balance out the way I feel about life at a basic level.

 Today I took out my bow drill set and had a practice. I managed to produce a glowing ember: this is the first time i have managed this and it is useful (to me ) that I can if necessary produce fire.

Feeling peaceful today.........

 Hi

The past while hasnt been easy, still need to get to the gym, I seem to be catching up on lost sleep.

I have decided to do some basic bushcraft stuff as a way of connecting with the great outdoors both practically and spiritually.

I have been using the Sedona Method a lot and have been able to drop the label 'alcoholic'. i simply dont drink anymore and any way life is too short to spend it in 12 step meetings!

So doing not too badly,enjoying learning new skills
will say more soon.

Philip

I have been unwell recently,years of alcohol abuse have taken their toll. I need hormone replacements and now need another medication to counter the excess oestrogen that is part of the breakdown process of my supplemental testosterone.

Time to definitley restart the Calorie restriction process. . I had been trying to lose weight but the hormone imbalance meant it wouldnt shift. Now that it is in the process of rebalancing I hope to shed about 1lb per week for the next six months.

First step is to cut out all junk and only eat cereal bars when camping. I also need to make sure I get enough protein during the day as I find that lack of protein makes me crave junk food. Thankfully there are a lot of protein powders on the market Iwill use a whey based one during the day as it is easily assimilated and a casein based one (with maybe some soya protein) as slow release during evening and night time.

Need to find my old recipe book, cant be too far away.......
I also need to re jig my exercise regime. i am reasonably fit at the moment but have a degree of constant tiredness.

There is an excellent fitness program on www.wellnessword.com  It is not too difficult to follow and is based on commonsense principles. I however need to adjust the High Intensity cardio portion as I have been finding it too difficult.

So there you go..just a few thoughts and a slow start to my CR diet and fitness regime. This fitness aspect of this will now go a lot smoother since I have decided to do the CR diet instead of bodybuilding.

My next step is to make a few goals, and then use the Sedona method to release on them so as they simply become part of daily living
.

I havent written in a while, trying to come to terms with retirement. I had spent quite a while at the gym recently but I need to gently refocus on my goals for training. Should I take advantage of my hormone therapy and do some solid bodybuilding? or should I go back on my Calorie restriction regime and gently strength and fitness train as necessary?

A combination of new medication plus some heavy training and protein supplements I had ballooned 28 lbs, mostly flab.

I feel the way to go is back on my CR plan, I did this for a couple of years and was never so healthy. C R is a method of life extension it works well in some primates and fruit flies it is well worth a look at www.walford.com  as a starter.

Feel better after writing this... time for new goals.

Philip

Leaving AA

I have decided not to go back to AA. I am fed up with the religious overtones and the inability to criticise the movement. Having decided this I find myself craving alcohol, as they said I would.
So I have been brainwashed to a degree and it is not easy to release these cravings.
It is not a good idea for me to drink because
• I take psychotropic drugs
• My drinking could spiral out of control
• I get bad days, and drinking at these times would be dangerous.
• I have a certain degree of programming that I am powerless over alcohol
• I am afraid of self harm while drunk
• My testosterone levels have been wrecked by booze
• Alcohol increased my Cholesterol to 7.1
• Alcohol increased my Blood pressure
• Alcohol caused me to gain 50lbs of flab
• I probably had a degree of liver problems
• I have driven whilst under the influence
• Drinking makes my OCD worse

So here are 12 good reasons for not drinking

Friday 6th February

Time for some voice dialogue work

Me Can I speak to the boozer please?

Boozer what?

Me What's happening?

Boozer Its simple I want to drink, you don’t go to AA anymore?

Me That’s because of the closed mindedness of the people there.

Boozer I don’t care I want to drink. I like the taste of it and I like to feel good.

Me Why?

Boozer Why not? Most normal folks drink and if you want to be normal you should drink also.

Me I am frightened?

Boozer. A couple of drinks is nothing to be scared of sure everyone else does it.

Me You know that is untrue!

Boozer So what? I want to drink I like the peace and quiet that it gives me. It allows me to switch off for a while..

Me So you become a little less self conscious when you drink?

Boozer Yes ?

Me I can do that too. With meditation, study and doing things I enjoy.

Boozer Ah but it wont be the same………

Me It doesn’t have to be the same, that’s ok. Doing pleasurable things isn’t the same as getting even slightly drunk…. And I know what happens to you if things go belly up… If things go belly up without booze they go belly up and I will get angry or whatever….

Boozer Have you been watching me?

Me Yes, more like picking up the pieces.Isn’t there something you are forgetting?

Boozer Don’t think so I just want to get drunk I have a nice picture that I hang onto……

Me Ok so you have a nice piccy, so what? what are you not confronting?

Boozer Ok sometimes there is bad stuff, I get very upset and angry and obsessive… I just keep on drinking until it stops. Drinking stops the thinking, eventually then I will have a good long sleep.

Me So you think boozing is some kind of therapy?

Boozer Yes, sometimes I get into really deep shit and I cry a lot.you have difficulty crying so I am helping you..

Me Thanks for the concern, but there are other ways to handle emotion rather than drink.

Boozer Drink is all I know and want.

Me I can see that the simple wanting of something, reinforcing the nice piccy in your head isn’t joined up thinking,its not even unjoined thinking it is pure stimulus response. The piccy comes into your head then you want to drink…..So for the sake of one pleasant incident a long time ago I am supposed to give in and drink. A memory is just a memory it can be released, at least the charge round it can go..

Boozer All I see is a restaurant in Fulham broadway, Italian, amazingly beautiful waitress, nice ripe syrupy expensive red wine which was a pleasure to swill around my mouth…

Me Hang on ,your mouth, you don’t have a mouth. I have the mouth. The mouth is under my responsible choices. I choose what goes in it.

Boozer Also I like the taste of foster’s beer and stella artois.

Me Duh! So because you like the taste of a couple of drinks I am supposed to let it all happen. All that misery,

Boozer But its not all bad

Me I agree, but there has been so much damage done because of your wants. I cant let it go on.

Boozer I still want to drink..

Me I know you do and there is nothing I can do about these thoughts arising, as you do push them into awareness at times. But I don’t have to act on them. I will be polite and gently say no to you. I understand you want to drink and that is ok. I will just let your thoughts be in awareness, they wont do any harm by just being, and they will gently fade and as they gently fade you wont get so worked up about the issue.. You want to drink? That’s ok, there are other selves with their wants as well and that’s ok to

Boozer I still want to drink

Me Thank you for telling me that, that’s ok

I have made a decision this week to stop going to AA. I am disappointed that the organization is so insular and any new methods for handling sobriety are viewed with suspicion. there is also a 'suggestion' that you hand your will and your life over to a 'Higher Power'.

Went to an AA discussion meeting today. I brought up the topic of alternate 12 steps. This went down like a lead balloon.it seems that this morning in my group there was no tolerance for someone who doesn’t think the AA way. I can understand the concept of ‘Higher Power’ in a way that suits me. ( If I get a pain in my lower right side I will definitely not attempt to take out my own appendix I will leave it to someone who knows what they are doing!)I do have questions about powerlessness over alcohol. I believe it can be released using the Sedona Method and similar techniques.. we are then left with an ability to take personal responsibility over the alcohol and not fob it off unto a magical ‘Higher Power’. I find spiritual peace in Zen and teachers such as Eckhart Tolle. the dualistic me and god approach doesnt do it for me,
So today I am fed up with AA its just not floating my boat..  I can see that I am a bit ‘aff’ as we say in Belfast..
sorry for the rant

Do you like my apple?

Philip

This is excellent......

From reading Ken Wilber's Integral theory I can (now) see that if there are ten people in a room plus me and if we are all ego centric then there will be 11 different perspectives in the room.

If some people and maybe myself included are able to see a situation from someone elses perspectives then the number of possible perspectives starts to rise..

Studying Big MInd Genpo Roshi says that in a group of people in a room there are an infinite number of possible perspectives. 

I have also learnt this in AA, now if someone wants to get into a heated discussion with me I can just say ' you are probably right'. as it really doesn't matter either way.

By taking multiple perspectives right and wrong become too agricultural for greater possible awareness I find this type of awareness is comforting as it stops me from being right. ; )