New Awakening

Was listening to two ladies talking today. One was saying how her grandson had broken a couple of wine glasses the kid is about two years old. Apparently her daughter scolded the child and said to him ' you know you shouldnt have broken those things'

Her Mum  (granny) said to her ' No he doesnt know,you have to teach him'

I had an awakening in that my learning has always been stressful,there was always a fear of failure and failure meant punishment. Sometimes I would have pretended to be cleverer than your average bear to try and boost my self esteem.

Also I feel that I was always at the 'you should know better stage.' .Funny my mother remarked today that i only needed to be told once to not do something. I feel she is probably right.......Well of course she has to be from her perspective!!

I would not do some things simply for I was afraid of punishment. Fear of punishment does not teach the whys and wherefores of a situation it teaches fear,that is all.

Now as an adult I need to re own that fear and allow myself to make mistakes. I can no longer use blame as an excuse, I am responsible for my actions, and every action that I perform will have consequences and I must take responsibility for my part in those consequences