Feeling low, have had a viral illness for several days and have no energy. MY GF has decided that we need to take a break, she has a lot of personal stuff she needs to sort.

Having released the Anger and apologised if necessary you have the chance to view the issue with Courageousness, Which leads to Acceptance and then unto Peace

  I don't drink anymore..I used to drink most evenings maybe some wine at dinner, a couple of Brandies and perhaps the odd beer.

If I could take a pill and it would all go away............. yes and no.

I have been thinking about this for the past while as it is a chance to look at me and my relationship to OCD from an outside perspective. I include my alcoholism with my OCD as I drank to change my thinking.

If it was easy to get better I would have no story to tell of how well I have done in my recovery. And there would be no need for a recovery forum such as this as OCD would be relegated to be curable. I would no longer need to dispense my pearls of wisdom. I would also have to get my finger out because there would be no excuse for not living a normal life. Also I would no longer have the label of disability to fall back on.

This question has made me realise how much ego I have invested in keeping my OCD and Alcoholism and yes I do use it as a crutch sometimes. paradoxically I would love to be rid of it once and for all. I can see that I have retreated behind the coat tails of Mental Health disability at times, maybe too quickly, maybe I could have taken more responsibility for some things.The thing is I have never learned how to!.

So there is an emotional attachment to the OCD and an emotional aversion to having it. Both conditions co-existing in the present moment.

Philip

Reconstructing The Wreckage Of The Future.

I have just spent an hour or so doing the releasing from the above questions. There is a lot more to do.

This is what I need to do.
Thankfully setting up this page has gone my way.
If it hadn’t…I would have been upset.
Things must go my way
There must be control
Total control.

This isn’t freedom
Is it really important how this page looks
Can it not just be the way it is?
I am kidding myself, with my high thinking.
The page looks good, so I am happy.
If it was crap
I would have given up

I see total freedom
As total control.
Something is stuck
I cant force it
I can just let it be.

My peace of mind
Depends on things
Because I let it.

Things are impermanent
They multiply
Become confusing
Some go ‘missing’
Because I cant immediately see them.
Things can also be no things
Loss
Despair.
Doubt
OCD its called
Too many things
All seen as mine
What does that mean.?
I own things.
What does that mean?
They take on animistic beingness
There is sorrow when they are missing
Like a death.
I feel sad because of the way I see things.
If I have things there is both happiness and unhappiness
I need to see that things are just things.
They don’t make me happy
I need to break my havingness link
With people, places, and things.
The outer world does not keep me happy.
I get bounced along, not in control.
Even so I need to go with the flow
And see stuff as it is.
And have it ,or not have it
No head trouble either way.
Stuff is just stuff
No need for attachment.
Of itself it wont make me happy…
I cant watch over all of ‘my stuff’ at once
Time to let the stuff just be.
Time to let the Kosmos be
Now