I have made a decision this week to stop going to AA. I am disappointed that the organization is so insular and any new methods for handling sobriety are viewed with suspicion. there is also a 'suggestion' that you hand your will and your life over to a 'Higher Power'.

Leaving AA

I have decided not to go back to AA. I am fed up with the religious overtones and the inability to criticise the movement. Having decided this I find myself craving alcohol, as they said I would.
So I have been brainwashed to a degree and it is not easy to release these cravings.
It is not a good idea for me to drink because
• I take psychotropic drugs
• My drinking could spiral out of control
• I get bad days, and drinking at these times would be dangerous.
• I have a certain degree of programming that I am powerless over alcohol
• I am afraid of self harm while drunk
• My testosterone levels have been wrecked by booze
• Alcohol increased my Cholesterol to 7.1
• Alcohol increased my Blood pressure
• Alcohol caused me to gain 50lbs of flab
• I probably had a degree of liver problems
• I have driven whilst under the influence
• Drinking makes my OCD worse

So here are 12 good reasons for not drinking

Friday 6th February

Time for some voice dialogue work

Me Can I speak to the boozer please?

Boozer what?

Me What's happening?

Boozer Its simple I want to drink, you don’t go to AA anymore?

Me That’s because of the closed mindedness of the people there.

Boozer I don’t care I want to drink. I like the taste of it and I like to feel good.

Me Why?

Boozer Why not? Most normal folks drink and if you want to be normal you should drink also.

Me I am frightened?

Boozer. A couple of drinks is nothing to be scared of sure everyone else does it.

Me You know that is untrue!

Boozer So what? I want to drink I like the peace and quiet that it gives me. It allows me to switch off for a while..

Me So you become a little less self conscious when you drink?

Boozer Yes ?

Me I can do that too. With meditation, study and doing things I enjoy.

Boozer Ah but it wont be the same………

Me It doesn’t have to be the same, that’s ok. Doing pleasurable things isn’t the same as getting even slightly drunk…. And I know what happens to you if things go belly up… If things go belly up without booze they go belly up and I will get angry or whatever….

Boozer Have you been watching me?

Me Yes, more like picking up the pieces.Isn’t there something you are forgetting?

Boozer Don’t think so I just want to get drunk I have a nice picture that I hang onto……

Me Ok so you have a nice piccy, so what? what are you not confronting?

Boozer Ok sometimes there is bad stuff, I get very upset and angry and obsessive… I just keep on drinking until it stops. Drinking stops the thinking, eventually then I will have a good long sleep.

Me So you think boozing is some kind of therapy?

Boozer Yes, sometimes I get into really deep shit and I cry a lot.you have difficulty crying so I am helping you..

Me Thanks for the concern, but there are other ways to handle emotion rather than drink.

Boozer Drink is all I know and want.

Me I can see that the simple wanting of something, reinforcing the nice piccy in your head isn’t joined up thinking,its not even unjoined thinking it is pure stimulus response. The piccy comes into your head then you want to drink…..So for the sake of one pleasant incident a long time ago I am supposed to give in and drink. A memory is just a memory it can be released, at least the charge round it can go..

Boozer All I see is a restaurant in Fulham broadway, Italian, amazingly beautiful waitress, nice ripe syrupy expensive red wine which was a pleasure to swill around my mouth…

Me Hang on ,your mouth, you don’t have a mouth. I have the mouth. The mouth is under my responsible choices. I choose what goes in it.

Boozer Also I like the taste of foster’s beer and stella artois.

Me Duh! So because you like the taste of a couple of drinks I am supposed to let it all happen. All that misery,

Boozer But its not all bad

Me I agree, but there has been so much damage done because of your wants. I cant let it go on.

Boozer I still want to drink..

Me I know you do and there is nothing I can do about these thoughts arising, as you do push them into awareness at times. But I don’t have to act on them. I will be polite and gently say no to you. I understand you want to drink and that is ok. I will just let your thoughts be in awareness, they wont do any harm by just being, and they will gently fade and as they gently fade you wont get so worked up about the issue.. You want to drink? That’s ok, there are other selves with their wants as well and that’s ok to

Boozer I still want to drink

Me Thank you for telling me that, that’s ok